Sunday, November 30, 2014

Knocking on the window

So as I was asleep in my bed earlier, I was awakened by a knocking at the window.  It wasn't very loud but it was the same rhythm that we started years ago when we were first married. And it kept repeating.    

We lived in an apartment that was completely indoors without any exterior openings.  Probably not the most ideal apartment but it was what we could afford and it worked for the time being.  He had school and he worked at Subway.  I was very much pregnant at this time and just sat around our apartment because most of the time I was so sick.   So as he left our apartment every time, he would knock on the wall as he walked back down the hall opposite where our apartment door was.  He knocked three times, which meant "I love you".      And sometimes he would knock on it as he was coming down the hall to come home.  It made my heart jump when I heard it and I was always anxious for his return.  

So while laying in the bed asleep I kept hearing this knocking sound on our window.  I didn't actually look out to see what might have been causing it, but in my mind I was brought back to that time, and as soon as I made a connection that it was him telling me He loved me, the knocking sound stopped.   

He's still around and he's still here, but I'd much rather have him here and tangible.   Boy am I ever anxious for our reunion, but hopefully I get to experience more life with my kids before it's my turn.  It's not going to be easy, but hopefully with time I can enjoy life once again. 

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