My first Christmas Eve

Having fun by the tree.

Caleb, my nephew.

Heidi and Courtney

This is the first Christmas Eve that I am without my sweetheart.  We were invited to my sister in law Amy's house to have dinner with her family and visit and be together.  It was great that I didn't have to make dinner!   Really, who's going to turn down dinner when you don't have to make it?   (Usually not me!)  

I've had my older girls helping with wrapping presents this year, and I still have a few to do on my own that I don't want them to know about.  So I'll be up for a while. I'm hoping to get the kids to bed REALLY soon or at least in the back room since they all love to sleep in the same room on Christmas Eve.   Then I can wrap out here in the living room and watch a Christmas movie on Netflix while I'm slaving away all by my lonesome.  

I'm aware of the fact that I'm getting used to him not being here.  Not that I'm forgetting, but when someone isn't coming around anymore I think the mind starts to adjust and it gets easier to live without them.  Not better, just easier.   I still miss him like crazy and want for him to be with me so badly.  But I think I'm accepting the fact that he's gone and he isn't coming in the door any time soon. 

I was really angry this last weekend and mad.  I started lashing out at my kids, but knew that's not how I wanted to be.  I had a hard Saturday night with crying up to an hour and half before it was out of my system, but I picked up the next morning right where I left off.  I was crying all through church, and just felt alone.  I asked one of my dear friends and former home teacher for a priesthood blessing and the two of us along with his wife, and a neighbor of mine, Kawika Allen walked into an old Bishops office that isn't being used anymore and I had that blessing.  And it felt so good afterwards to just tell someone other than my walls about how I'm feeling almost on a daily basis.   It was some great therapy for me and I felt so much better after having done that.  (Did I mention I have a great friends and a great ward/neighborhood here)  

So back to tonight, I am determined to make Christmas joyous and happy for my kids and for myself.  I've always loved Christmas and I don't have any intentions of changing that.  

After having fun, talking, playing and visiting with family we came home via Kaylee driving!  (She's getting so much better I might add) and we watched The Nativity video on lds.org and then we opened the Christmas Eve gift.  Of course, there gift is always PJ's so some of the kids were super excited.  

My First Christmas without my sweetheart

So we're now just past 7 weeks into this journey without the man in our lives. 

The kids have been on Christmas break, it's been great not to get up at the crack of dawn every morning.  

We set up the Christmas tree a few days after Thanksgiving, I set up the lights on the house a few days before Thanksgiving.  

I spent time Christmas shopping ALONE.   Which wasn't too exciting really.   I remember being in the store and finding something neat or awesome for one of the kids an thought to myself, I can't wait to show this to Chris.  Then it hit me how he wasn't going to be there when I got back home.   

I bought a few things for myself, (but only because so many people helped us out by giving us money).  I had a daughter buy a heart shaped locket and had a photo from my wedding day printed and she cut her dad's face out and put it in the locket.  So, so sweet!  Of course, it made me cry.  She also made a little accordian style album and attached photos into it that had her Dad in them.   I will cherish that always. 

Another daughter at the end of the gifts had made a card that was from "him".   As she was giving it to me she said, I know this is what dad would do if could.   The card said, "To Wendy"   "From Chris"  and she imitated his writing pretty well.  And just seeing the writing made me tear up.  And then on the inside it said, I will love you always and forever (or something like that) - as I don't have it in front of me right now.  And then she gave me a box with earrings and a necklace.  The earrings are the infinity symbol, and the necklace has a heart with the infinity symbol in it.   So thoughtful and sweet.  

Christmas was good.  But Christmas was different.  I spent my first Christmas away from my childhood family with him and his family so this was the first Christmas since then that we haven't been together.  I'm pretty sure he was with us.  I missed the actual element of surprise that he always came up with for Christmas.   On Christmas Eve  - It took a lot longer to take care of things then normal.  Why?  Because I didn't have him there helping as in years past.  

There was a missing element to our holiday season this year and that void isn't really wanted.   

It seems that normal stresses of life seem to hit me harder now that I don't have him as a stabling element in my life.  To calm me when I start to "worry" too much or a situation comes up that makes it hard to decide something easily.   (That's an entirely different post).  

But overall Christmas was okay,  New Years was okay.    It's a new year and that means new projects, new goals, new growth, new friends and more Cafe Rio for sure!  

Our Christmas Story... Part 1

( NO PICTURES ARE INCLUDED WITH THIS POST -- IT IS LONG!)

Oh my what a weekend!!

All my "plans" of getting the house all clean for Christmas ... well, lets just say I'm going to start now to get a jump before next year. (A pun is intended).

I had the boys bedroom spotless... by Christmas morning the livingroom was decent, the dishes were done on Thursday and then Friday... and Saturday we spaced doing the dishes. So that was one disappointing failed gift to my husband. (Sorry babe, one of these years I'll have it perfect -- just don't give up on me)

We were just a few minutes away from having all the "you know what stuff" done on Christmas Eve, when what to my wondering eye would appear a sick 3 year old little boy, who had just thrown up in his sisters bedroom, and now just wanted his mommy.

So my plans of getting to bed within a fem minutes were now pushed back (little did I then know by how long). So after cleaning up the puke mess he just wanted to snuggle and be with me. (Don't get me wrong I did feel truly blessed and honored that he wanted me in his little miserable moment) So I stop any further action for a while.

I kept watching the clock, and notice the time kept ticking on. I kept trying to ask for it to stop, but if I couldn't get that I at least wanted it to slow down. SLOW WAY DOWN. No such luck. I was able to get away about 30 minutes later, and tried to do a few more things. And BAM-O he pukes up on the blanket I like to use, and gets onto the sheets... seriously this isn't funny. It's like 1 in the morning, and now I'm not sure what to do, because I can't find the extra King size sheet in the linen "armoire" closet. So I just pile a doubled over sheet on top of the "wetness" after I've sanitized the spot, and had the little guy go into his room to sleep.

He start feeling yucky again, like IMMEDIATELY. So, I just happened to have a "puke" bucket with me and he starts doing his business into the bucket. Poor creature... he was looking so pale after the first time, that now he looked a little worse.

He just wanted to snuggle some more. So back to my bed to lay down and snuggle to help him feel better. (Cause you all know that's what mom's do best. Help their sick people feel better) I'm starting to doze off on my bed, while A Christmas Story is on marathon mode on TBS and I kept startling awake realizing that Santa hadn't quite made it to our home yet.

All this while the little kid was laying awake, while the fully exhausted and frustrated mother was nodding off wishing she could go to sleep. (Okay so I'm that mother) And all this happened while he was wearing his brand new Phineas and Ferb (A Disney Cartoon) pj's he just opened a few hours earlier. He was so upset and said, how he hated to throw up, and didn't want to throw up. He was so sad looking. All I could do was agree, and love him.

So he finally agrees to lay there while I stepped out. I commenced to let Santa in and leave his gifts for each of the children. Had the living room looking good, the stockings were ready, but not hung, as we have no way to hang them.

It was exhausting... I tell you.

I finally head back into my room, nervous to death to move the little sicky boy in fear that he'd wake up and feel the need to gross me out some more. So I left him on my bed, and just lay down beside him. All the while Chris was laying on the other side of the bed, and was fast and sound asleep. Mummified in our comforter, and the one blanket I liked to use had just been messed on and in line for a bath in the washing machine. So I grabbed a few little "throw" blankets, slept in my clothes to keep warm and slept till I heard the kidlets come into the room around 7:00 am. WOW...already?!

He was so kind to wake up to their craziness, and I told him what he needed to know, but he told the kids to let me sleep because I had a rough night with Ethan. I couldn't sleep knowing how excited the kids were, so I told him that I'd be okay and I could just get a nap later. He said, for me to just lay there he had a few things to take care of. So there I laid under the orders of the man I married. I really tried to go to sleep again, but I had a hard time. A little while later, Katherine came running in, and said that Daddy was ready.... (I think I was asleep when she came in and said that ... because I replied with give me 5 - 10 minutes and I'll be out there.

PART TWO LATER...

Merry CHRISTmas !!!

I just wanted to share our Christmas letter this year.  I have a few new ideas to revamp our letter this next year.  Be sure to keep in touch and let us know how you are doing as well. If you can't quite read what it says, click on the picture and then you'll be able to click again to zoom in even more.  We hope that your family is having a great and merry Christmas Season.   May you all be safe, and have fun celebrating with family and friends!! 

Wordful Wednesday.... See I have proof !!!

We have fun things going on at school this week.  Yesterday (Monday the 12th) was Crazy Sock and Holiday Hat day.  So I went early before school was out and managed to get a few pictures of some cute kids wearing their holiday hats!! 

 Of course, there is my son ... who is in Kindergarten this year!!

 Ethan and Heidi in the halls at school. 

And I have proof that I finally was able to get some decent pictures of my kids 

with Santa at the ward party a week and half ago!! It was awesome. But of course, 

this was the first year that the older two opted to sit out.  Oh well.

 Ethan --- Age 3 1/2

 Thomas --- age (ALMOST 6 on January 8th)

And here's Heidi --- age 8

It really is fun to hear the kids tell "SANTA" what they want for Christmas. Sometimes they get lucky...

and sometimes they don't.  

Which reminds me.... When Ethan was sitting on Santa's lap this year he told Santa that he 

wanted "CRISS CROSS CRASH" for Christmas (It's a Hot Wheels thing)

So later Chris was asking Ethan, "What if Santa doesn't bring it to you for Christmas, but instead 

brings it to you for your birthday?"  

And Ethan thought about it, and then said, "DOOFUS!"   in a playful tone of course.  But it was almost like he was saying... yeah right.  Of course, I'll get it for Christmas...  well I guess we'll have to wait and see what Santa brings this little boy.

A few Christmas Card Ideas...

So recently I've been taking pictures of some families so I can build up the portfolio with some fun shots.  And I have come up with some Christmas Card ideas and just wanted to throw them out there.  I came up with a few different ones, and this family had a some changes they wanted made, so I made the changes and then some... It's so much fun !!   Everything is customizable.  See what you are missing out on, by not having me take your pictures???    Haha...  actually, if you have a candid or two and want a card designed, just let me know.  Everything can be done digitally, and drop shipped to your home.  If you're interested let me know!!!  So I'm not sure yet, which style they want to go with, but these were the three pictures they wanted to use!  It's so fun finding a way to be creative that I really enjoy!!